that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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