Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
