That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
