I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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