pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
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Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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