Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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