No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
