I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
