hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
