Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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