u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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