I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
