It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
