from now on my penis is your penis
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
