it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
