Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i think im in europe. pls send help
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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