I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
