How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
