Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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