I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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