Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
