just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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