Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
don't judge my taste in strippers
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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