he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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