Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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