if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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