is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
