I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
