dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i was born a porn star she said
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
