you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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