are you still at the devil's house?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
