just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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