just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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