I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
