i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
