i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
