im gay
i know
yea but for you.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
