Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
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And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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