i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
