I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
