sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
