Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?

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(208): View more from Idaho

The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover

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(240): View more from Maryland

seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am

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(301): View more from Maryland

not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs

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(732): View more from New Jersey

It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.

Fav 11 1158 3129
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(940): View more from Texas

He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.

Fav 12 3298 916
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(940): View more from Texas

My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son

Fav 9 404 975
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(317): View more from Indiana

They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year

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