so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
