Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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