thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
