the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
