Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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