Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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