are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
