there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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