I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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