I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
