After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
