My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
