I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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