My liver just broke up with me...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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