now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize