The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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