he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
