Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize