Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
