Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
