Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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