So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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